My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
