we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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