i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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