he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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