i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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