I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
