i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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