is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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