i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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