I'm so fucking centered right now
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Randomize
