I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
