What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
