she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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