I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
