I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're a waste of cheezeits
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
