i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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