kristin has been a bad kristin
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
