I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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