Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
