If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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