Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude. I can hear the air.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
