Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
