I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
