In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
