Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
