just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
