I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
