WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
