if i can run in heels then i can drive
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what day is it and did you see me today?
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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