Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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