I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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