So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
