Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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