you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize