Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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