I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized