Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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