i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
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So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.