Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar