If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
