You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
