He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I got inside last night via doggy door
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
