You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
