CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
