we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
