Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
