I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
