You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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