When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
