New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
