He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I faked an abortion last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
