pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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