In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
