operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
