I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
