I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
