why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
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God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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