Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Randomize