Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i dont even know how to be here
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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