im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
