Define "chronic" masturbator.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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