do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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