You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my shit smells like andre
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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