***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i dont even know how to be here
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
