Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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