I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
